Krakow, Poland: a Preview

We had an excellent, tremendous and amazing time in Krakow, but our hostel left something to be desired.  Among its many negative qualities, the hostel sits atop a bar.  We found out the hard way that this particular bar has karaoke night on Thursdays.  To recreate the feeling of our first night there and the morning after, do the following:

  1. A few days before: Invite some friends over and get them very drunk.
  2. Ask each drunk friend to sing either “The Joker” by the Steve Miller Band or “Sweet Home Alabama” by Lynyrd Skynyrd while you record the singing.  Be sure to cut each song off about 2/3 of the way through.
  3. That night: Set out 5 or 6 slices of your least favorite bread, plus 2 slices of bologna.  Leave out overnight.  (This will be your breakfast.)
  4. Put on your socks and shoes.
  5. Stand in a tub or bucket filled with ice-cold water for a few hours.  The goal is to so thoroughly freeze your feet that even after a warm shower, followed by 2 blankets and clean socks, you can’t get your feet warm.
  6. Give the recording of your drunk friends’ singing to the people who live in the apartment directly below you.  Ask them to place their speakers so that they face upward into your bedroom.
  7. Go to bed around midnight.  Try to fall asleep.
  8. Ask your neighbors to play the recording as loudly as possibly with the bass turned up as far as possible around 1am.  They should occasionally slam a door.
  9. Repeat steps 7 and 8 until the sun comes up and you give up.
  10. Put on your slightly damp shoes and go eat your bologna on stale bread.
  11. Laugh, because what else can you do?
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About heidihefeweizen

I am a 29 year-old American woman who has received a Fulbright scholarship to work as an English teaching assistant in a German high school.
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One Response to Krakow, Poland: a Preview

  1. RichardB1001 says:

    enjoy the wheat beer. I cannot because I am allergic to it. But I really like Paulaner.

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